The United States Congress has just passed a new bill providing financial incentives to states that submit mental health information to the national firearm background-check database. Such information could prevent guns from getting into the hands of mentally ill individuals like Seung-Hui Cho, who killed 32 people at Virginia Tech.

Of course, one might wonder why this provision didn’t exist already. Or, why the new bill doesn’t require each state to submit mental health information.

I guess you could also ask why a civilized society permits handguns at all. Just a thought.

Still, it’s a baby step for a nation in the dark ages of gun control. At this point, any forward progress has to be taken as a good thing.

It remains to be seen if the new bill will be passed by the Senate, and signed into law by George Bush.

And no, that’s not a Village People song.

Documents released to the Sunshine Project, a chemical and biological weapons watchdog, reveal that the United States Air Force’s Wright Laboratory proposed a biological weapon that would make soldiers less interested in fighting and more interested in gettin’ freaky.

The lab requested $7.5 million to develop the weapon, containing aerosolized aphrodisiacs that would stimulate homosexual behaviour among enemy soldiers. The Pentagon did not deny that the funding request had been made, stating:

“The department of defence is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform.”

Or helping them out of uniform. All you’d need is a stiff cross-breeze on the battlefield, and all bets are off.

The documents also suggest earlier attempts to weaponize Tom Jones were abandoned as unfeasible.

Thanks to AA for the heads-up on this story.

Roy Pearson, a United States Judge, is suing a family-owned drycleaning business for $54 million- all over a lost pair of pants. 

Jin Chung, Soo Chung and Ki Chung, owners of Washington-based Custom Cleaners, allegedly lost a pair of Maroon and Blue suit pants, and then refused to replace them. Mr. Pearson became so upset when recounting the story of his lost pants yesterday that he began to cry and had to be excused from the courtroom.

Defense lawyers claim the lawsuit is the result of a bitter man in financial difficulty after a recent divorce.  Mr. Pearson may also be bat-shazbot crazy.

Everyone knows dry cleaners are terrible. I’ve had shirts ruined, buttons crushed and inexplicable stains added to pants. But because the technology behind dry cleaning is apparently based on some sort of magic unavailable to the common man, I must continue to use their services.

The sad thing about all of this is that while the lawsuit is clearly ridiculous, it has forced the Chungs to shell out thousands in legal fees, jeopardizing their business. I suspect Mr. Pearson, no stranger to the law, is using this action to drive the Chungs into the ground.

Nevertheless, I will be watching the outcome of this case with great interest. If Pearson wins, I will be lauching my own multi-million dollar pant suit (didn’t Cher have one of those?). I also plan on suing that shifty guy in the cafeteria who keeps looking at me cock-eyed.