I spent the better part of my adolescence wishing I was in Star Trek. Not the show or movies, but actually in the Star Trek universe. I’d be Captain of my own starship, the plucky protagonist of any number of deep space adventures involving nefarious plots and any number of green-skinned alien women who viewed my encylopaedic knowledge on Monty Python as an aphrodisiac rather than a crippling social liability.
But, failing that, I’m always up for the next best thing. And in this case, the next best thing could be a role in the new Trek movie. The producers of the upcoming JJ Abrams-directed, college drama-esque reboot of the Star Trek franchise have announced an open casting call for extras. All over the world, excitable fanboys just had a collective aneurysm of joy.
There are a few catches. You’ve got to be slim enough to squeeze into the historically form-fitting Starfleet uniform. You need to get yourself to California (considerable easier than getting to, say, Rigel VII). And, you also need to look like a weirdo. The studio is apparently looking for:
“talent with interesting and unique facial features, such as long necks, small heads, extremely large heads, wide-set eyes, bug eyes, close-set eyes, large forehead, short upper lip, pronounced cheekbones, over- or undersized ears and/or nose, facial deformities, ultra plain-looking people, ultra perfect-looking people, pure wholesome looks, twins, triplets, emaciated talent, regally poised and postured talent, or other visually unique characteristics”.
In other words, being cast in the Trek film would be both the achievement of a life-long dream and a savage blow to my ego. I come down somewhere in the extemely-large-head-undersized-ear nexus, and I wonder if my bad charity moustache counts as a ‘visually unique’ facial characteristic. I’ll have to check my Star Trek Encylopaedia for large-headed, moustachioed alien races. I’m not optomistic. On the upside, I could currently play the evil, mirror universe version of myself pretty convincingly.
Sidebar: I hate those ‘ultra perfect-looking’ people so much.
Mirror Universe Spock. See, you know he’s evil because he has a goatee.
