harbingers of the apocalypse
I no longer fear death, for I have seen Hell.
Toronto was beset by a series of catastrophes last night, combining to form a gigantic super catastrophe. In no particular order:
- It snowed. Not just any snow, either. It apparently carried some sort of an evil wizard’s curse, and turned everyone it touched into a gibbering moron. All over the city, otherwise high-functioning adults have lost the ability to speak, articulate simple desires, or operate in concert with their fellow humans.
- The population of the city trebled, at least judging by the subway platform at Dundas West. And as the number of people swelled, they all got crankier.
- Large lakes have developed at the corners of major intersections, forcing commuters to swim or, if they were lucky enough to have one at hand, canoe to their offices. I have dubbed the lake on the Northwest corner of Bay and Bloor Loch Graeme, and I lay claim to the vast mineral resources beneath its surface.
For those of you keeping track, this is the second Harbingers of the Apocalypse post this week, and it’s only Wednesday. If we hit three, then official Nunc Scio policy says the world has officially ended.
When it snows that much in Toronto, your only hope is to put on your snowboard pants and plow through the blizzard. You may have to cross country ski to work and walk the rest of the way in your ski boots. Mountains of snow may not be fun, but it doesn’t have to slow you down.
February 6th, 2008 by graeme |
If it hits 3 posts and the world ends, doesn’t that mean we won’t get to read the last post? That sounds like a fate worse then the apocalypse.
And the army is busy in Afghanistan. Pity.
You went to WORK today? Snow is God’s way of saying sleep in [even for atheists].
The commute today, although indeed bothersome due to the high, high, ridiculously high volume of people at the Yonge & Bloor platform. It absolutely PALES in comparison to the unholy mess that was my Tuesday.
Two words; Shuttle Bus.
Two more words; King Street.
Add to that mind blowing scene, drivers who didn’t know the “alternate route” and commuters who didn’t know anything had happened at Brant & King.
I hate the TTC, but hate the fact that I NEED to use it even more.
I’m buying a car. A huge, gas guzzling, eco-harmful SUV that will rival 50 Cent’s.
And yet a car in Toronto is EVEN WORSE. Especially during snowfalls like this. I dug mine out today, some a-hole came by with a plow and and now I’m sitting at home.
I stand corrected.
I will have to buy a plow.
[...] 2. There’s a giant blizzard happening. And I don’t mean light flurries that make Torontonians drive like morons and pedestrians sputter and walk head down into lamp posts. By Toronto standards last night’s snow heralded the beginning of the apocalypse. [...]
I work at 80 Bloor, I feel you on that puddle.
With the added construction on that corner, which besides waking up to a frozen hell each morning, is the only constant in my life.
God forbid I should need to go to TD Bank, or that galoshes should ever be deemed “office appropriate”
Which brings me to another point, winter in this city is just not compatible with my workplace attire.
They do not make thermal dress pants.
Everyone goes on and on about how Canada is so safe and we don’t have any natural disasters.
Well I say, ever since the greenhouse effect made its appearance, winter in this city IS a natural disaster.
It’s the most prolonged unbearable disaster known to man, winter in the megacity.