So, somebody, for some reason, has put out a Blog Cuss-O-Meter, which ostensibly measure the amount of profanity on your site. In the interest of science, I ran Nunc Scio through, and came back with a 7.1 per cent, or ‘medium’, cuss rating. Aren’t I nice.

Created by OnePlusYou

Kinda makes me think I should drop a few more F-Bombs around here. But then I get all giddy.

Oh man, there is so much awesome in this story I had to lie down for an hour before I could write it.

Awesome thing #1: Man from Holyhead, Wales drinks a 10 litre box of wine.

Awesome thing #2: Man takes garbage bag, cuts a hole in it, puts it on.

Awesome thing #3: Man hurdles garden fence, repeatedly screams “DARTH VADER”, and assaults two teenagers with a metal crutch

Awesome thing #4: One of the teens recently started a local Jedi Church in Holyhead.

Awesome thing #5: The two had been filming a ‘lightsaber battle’ in the backyard immediately before the attack.

Awesome thing #6: Man claims he has no memory of the event, and only realized he had dressed up like Darth Vader and attacked two kids when he read about it in the paper.

So what have we learned? Boxes of wine and Star Wars don’t mix. Crutch trumps lightsaber. And the two assaulted teens are TOTALLY virgins. Thanks to AB for the link.

The piddling human lifespan affords mankind a unique sense of security. Since we’re only around for about 80 years or so, its hard to comprehend the churning death-box of chaos that is the universe.

Take our Solar System. Seems pretty static: everything is out there, just doing laps with comforting regularity of a ninth grade gym class.

Or so it would seem.

Turns out, Ol’ Lady Gravity is constantly at work, making subtle changes as the planets exert little tugs on each other. A lot of little tugs eventually add up to some spectacular changes, like Earth colliding with Mars or Mercury. D’oh.

Such a collision would be a game-ender:

In the case of a smash-up with Mars, for example, “all life gets extinguished immediately, and Earth glows at the temperature of a red giant star for about 1000 years”, says Gregory Laughlin, a co-author of one of the studies at the University of California in Santa Cruz, US.

The good news is that this probably won’t happen for at least 40 million years. Which is bound to irritate the Sun, which was all set to burn Earth to a cinder in 5 billion years. Stupid uppity and/or drunken planets.

Phoenix residents think they may have been visited by UFOs Monday night. The four mystery lights hovered over the city for 15 minutes before disappearing. And, there’s video:

It’s a lot harder to be an alien visitor these days. Back in the 1950s, a UFO could appear over any mid-sized city, do some flips, blow up some cattle and leave. If anyone saw them, the aliens could rest assured that any witness would be dismissed as a maniac, a communist, or Ed Wood.

Now, every podunk in America has a video camera in their pocket, making visits difficult and necessitating clever disguises, like some groucho glasses or a funny hat.

I call this the ‘Mike Skinner Phenomenon’, which the Streets frontman brilliantly elucidates in the song ‘When You Wasn’t Famous‘:

Right see the thing that’s got it all f*cked up now is camera-phones.
How the hell am I supposed to be able to do a line in front of complete strangers
When I know they’ve all got cameras?

Of course, for that to work, you need to replace “do a line” with “visit Earth” and “Complete Strangers” with “Hapless Earthlings”.

Of course, they could just be sky lanterns. But that’s not nearly as cool.

UPDATE: It looks like yes, they were balloons. Or maybe that’s what the aliens want you to believe.