Just found a great site, via Scanner, detailing the vast stupidty of humanity, as witnessed by the people working in the service industry.

Here’s just one of the gems to be found on Notalwaysright.com:

Customer: “My son is locked out of the house and I need to send him the key!”

Me: “We can overnight the key and have it to him by 10:30am tomorrow morning. Shall we send the key to the neighbor’s house?”

Customer: “No, he needs it right now! Why can’t I just fax it?”

Me: “…Ma’am, you can’t fax a key.”

Customer: “Why not? He’s locked out and needs the key!”

Me: “Because a key is a three dimensional object, not a document.”

(Customer stares at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, is your fax machine in your house?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “How will your son get into the house to get the key from the fax machine if he is locked out?”

Customer: “D*mn it! You’re right! Well, thanks for your time!”

Me: “I do what I can.”

Stunning. Simply stunning. Speaking of which, check out this comment I got today on my Air Farce post:

Nat says:

I dont expect this to be put on this site,but im tired of being politally correct.The only reason this great show is being cancelled after so long is because the so called canadian content cbc want to appeal to minorities.I am tired of seeing classic shows derailed because minority interests clash with canadian interests.Yet another tradition stolen from us

Well, fear not, Nat. Not only will your comment make it on the site, but it will be held up as a shiny example of your own ignorance. Leaving aside the bad grammar for a moment, you deserve to be mocked for two reasons: you are vaguely racist, and you have horrible taste in TV. I’d ask why you think ‘minority interests’ are responsible for the demise of a fourth-rate sketch comedy show, but I have a feeling that would lead me down a dark hole of dumbassery.

Ah, Thursday. The day where I bravely attempt to explain why I don’t like 95 per cent of theatre I see. Fun!

Anyways, my review of The Mansfield Project is up at blogTO. Check it out. Or don’t. Really, I have no way of knowing.

For some reason known only to themselves, scientists in the UK have created a hybrid cow/human embryo. While they’re spouting all sorts of nifty justifications, it seems pretty clear the decision to pursue this research went something like this:

“Dude, I bet you can’t make a cowman.”

“Bet you I can.”

“You’re on.”

And humanity takes another bold step forward. A favourite justification is that the new hybrid will help develop new insights into incurable conditions. Incurable conditions like, oh I don’t know, being a half-man, half-cow. Along with the associated difficulties in buying pants, cowmen also have very limited employment opportunities. Basically, they can go work in a giant maze in Crete where they will eventually be stabbed to death by an Athenian king. Awesome!

Photo: Modern science: now looking into Minotaurism!

This new video is strangely hot. But it may also be brilliant:

Think of it. Just about everyone I know tunes the safety video out. But Delta has come up with something you’d not only actually watch (if you’re a heterosexual male or a bisexual/lesbian female, anyway), but something you’d watch before you even got on an airplane. Hell, I’m watching it, and I don’t even have a trip coming up. Now that’s good A/V.

Mmm-hmmm. I sure do love me some sexy camels. So, apparently, do Abu Dhabians, who will be holding their sixth annual camel beauty contest this week.

The dromedarian (or bactrian? I never know) contestants will be evaluatued on humpiness, eyelash length and general orneriness. Camels with obvious defects or contagious diseases will not be permitted to enter, meaning Spitty the Three-Legged TB Wonder Camel will once again be barred from competition.

Too bad for Spitty, since the prizes are pretty sweet…over $9 million in cash and over 100 cars. Of course, this begs the question: if you win a fancy car in a camel contest, what do you drive home? The camel or the car? And if you do drive the car, do you put the camel in the trunk? Or do you let him drive?

These are the questions that have haunted man since the beginning of time. I won’t attempt the answer them here, except to say that the car had better be automatic, since camel toes are useless with a stick.

Now that’s how you do double entendre, kids.

The CBC is reporting that longstanding sketch comedy show The Royal Canadian Air Farce is going off the air after 35 years.

To which I say: why in god’s name didn’t this happen sooner?

Air Farce was not funny. It was the opposite of funny. It’s like it was some kind of mistaken import from a parallel universe where boring was hilarious and hot snow fell up. Every time I flipped by it, I actually felt myself becoming less funny, as though a funny vortex had suddenly opened up in my living room.

To be fair, as a radio show Air Farce had its moments. But after one of the least successful transitions to television in broadcasting, the show went from mildly amusing to thoroughly unendurable. The political impersonations were terrible. The writing was bad. The delivery stilted and irritating. Even the canned laughter didn’t sound convinced.

Air Farce is emblematic of the problems with Canadian TV in general and the CBC in particular. Like a lot of Canadian TV, Air Farce was just an inferior product. There are hundreds of very funny Canadians. Why don’t they have shows? Something with some bite, a little edge? A Kids in the Hall for the 21st century? Air Farce was pedestrian, safe and totally uninteresting. Ditto for a lot of original Canadian programming, especially the claptrap appearing on the CBC.

Speaking of the CBC, Air Farce also illustrates an illness at the mother corp: unfounded and baffling loyalty to the wrong horse. No matter how bad you are, no matter how inferior the show you put out is, the CBC has got your back. It’s like the mafia. Once you’re in, you’re in for life. This explains why Air Farce survived three and a half decades, why Shelagh Rogers STILL has a radio show, and Jian Ghomeshi in general.

Yeah. So, farewell Air Farce. Hopefully something good will replace you…but I’m not holding my breath.