In my effort to maximize my utility for my readers, I’m launching a new occasional feature. Nunc Scio’s Continuing Political Taxonomy will attempt to catalogue the endless variety of political animals that clutter the public landscape.
Part the first: Churchius Ignoramus
C. Ignoramus is a large biped common to the Midwestern and Southern United States. Herds of these strange mammals have been known to swing entire elections, as they mindlessly follow their leaders towards increasingly strange policies. Its baffling rejection of reason and logic make its continued survival, let alone ecosystem dominance, a complete mystery to evolutionary biologists. It should noted that the C. Ignoramus typically does not believe in evolution, and biologists are investigating whether this renders the species immune to the theory’s dictates. It should also be noted that the C. Ignoramus further believes that all evolutionary biologists are going to Hell.
Here, observe the C. Ignoramus in its natural habitat:
Note several defining features of this exemplary specimen:
- Large, frequently blinking vacant eyes;
- Exaggerated, aggresive head movement;
- Impressive ability to take a non-political issue (whoever has “more belief in the Lord”) and make it a defining political issue;
- Predilection for telling people how to live their lives (“that should be the defining issue for everybody”)
- Overt racism;
- Condescension (“I’ll pray for him”);
- A spectacular ability to vote against her own interests, due to an ill-defined belief that a magical dude who lives in the sky will make everything OK; and
- Tendency to make judgements about others based on spurious, often mendacious evidence.
Yes, truly one of nature’s most intriguing and inexplicable creations. Special thanks to DA for the footage.
I couldn’t even finish watching this. Terrifying.
I saw this on Digg earlier this morning. You’re word-craft made it much more enjoyable/frustrating. It’s sad to know this blob of ignorance actually resonates with a large number of Americans.
Wow…just stunning…just…wow.