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Please note: if you’re going to fake your own death, make sure you’re not an idiot

schrenker

Wealth Management Advisor (is that a job? Really?) Marcus Schrenker was in a bad way. He owed half-a-million bucks after missing a court hearing. His wife left him. And, his father had just died.

So, he did what any red-blooded American would do: he decided to fake his own death (read more here and here). Unfortunately, he failed to account for his own epic stupidity when crafting his plan. Let’s follow the steps:

1. Take off in private plane.

2. Radio air traffic control, claiming your ”windshield has imploded.”

3. Bail out of plane.

So far, so good. A bit D.B. Cooperish, perhaps, but a fairly textbook faked-death scheme. Except:

4. Air traffic control scrambles jet fighters to assist. The pilots find your plane, still airborne, abandoned and with the door wide open.

5. Your plane subsequently crashes. Investigators note that your body is not in it.

6. Meanwhile, you emerge from an Alabama swamp, soaking wet, wearing skydiving gear.

7. You approach a cop, and say you have been in a ‘canoe accident’. Fail to realize googles are not typical canoeing attire.

8. For some reason, you give the cop your real driver’s license with your real name on it.

9. Check into a hotel.

10. Don a balaclava, then disappear into the woods.

Truly, a criminal mind for the ages. Schrenker remains at large, but with his gift for planning I suspect he will be out of food, freezing cold, and pursued by bears in short order.

Hats off to you, Marcus. You may be stupid, but by god, you’re entertaining.

January 13th, 2009 by graeme |

4 Responses to “Please note: if you’re going to fake your own death, make sure you’re not an idiot”

Stupid? That’s not the half of it. It took the cops no time at all to learn that Schrenker and pre-positioned a motorcycle to make good his escape. A bright, shiny red Yamaha street bike. Any self-respecting biker knows the Yamaha is the equivalent of taking a knife to a gunfight. If the guy had any clue he’d be riding my preferred mount, the BMW R1200GS, the ultimate getaway bike.

And the Piper he ditched? It’s equivalent today lists at $1.14 million.

Mound of Sound on 1-13-2009 at 2:28 pm

I just wanted you to know that stuff like this article is exactly why I visit your blog daily. I mean…where the hell else am I going to find such an entertaining story broken down for such simple digestion by us uneducated masses!

Thanks

Paul on 1-13-2009 at 4:18 pm

[...] The businessman who attempted to fake his own death by parachuting out of his plane has been arrested. The kicker: he was found after an apparent [...]