World

• Coming soon to Indian convenience stores: Cow Urine Soda. Make mine a double.
• Foreigners are fleeing Dubai as its economy goes down in flames.
• A Republican senator blamed the Great Depression on FDR, despite the notable handicap of not being elected until four years after it started.
• Paris’ bike rental program is not doing so well. Mostly because people keep throwing the bikes into the Seine.
• The crazy octuplet lady launches a new website to hustle for donations.

Science & Tech

• Good news if you’re short on time this Valentine’s Day: foreplay is totally useless.
• New F1 racing tech converts braking energy into a 82hp electric speed boost.
• A previously infected man now appears HIV free after receiving a stem cell transplant.
• A bacterium found in a Siberian Mammoth graveyard may extend life, improve sex.
• This cow is super-ripped.
• Dark comets – or ones that cannot be easily spotted – may be a lot more common than we think. Like they say, you never see the one that gets you.

Pop Culture

• The executive director of Author’s Guild thinks reading a book out loud is copyright infringement. May also be a total jackass.
• Christopher Nolan’s new movie will be called Inception, and will not have Batman in it. Drag.
• New  Day of the Triffids flick stars Eddie Izzard and Jason Priestly. Weird.
• Recently deceased Batman will be replaced by a Lesbian Batwoman. Yowza.

I picked up the debut album of The Lonely Island yesterday. You’ve heard of them even if you think you haven’t. These fine gentlemen – Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone – are the brains behind “Dick in a Box” and “Jizz in My Pants”, and are among the primary reasons why Saturday Night Live remains a viable property.

Their album, Incredibad, is as collection of these viral sensations, combined with some lesser-known material and some album-specific tracks. I had three reactions:

1. I am insanely jealous. Making comedic hip hop with my two best friends would be just about the best gig ever.
2. This is funny.
3. This is really, really good.

The first two points are self-explanatory. But the third bit, which speaks to the relevance of the Incredibad album, deserves some further exploration. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill gag record, for a couple of reasons. Read the rest of this entry »

I am a simple man. My tastes are classic and straightforward, and can be summarized by this book:

Finally, a Jane Austen-ish novel I can get behind. Thanks to Her Highnessness for the link.

Canada

• Canada posts its first trade deficit in 30 years. If you’re going to be in a recession, you might as well do it right.
• George Devloo, who helped countless Canadians during their visit to Vimy Ridge, died yesterday. He will be missed.
• Lethbridge to build monument to its Brothel-tastic past. Nicholas P. Hanson is no doubt overjoyed.

World

• PETA dresses up like the KKK. For some reason. Who knows? It’s freakin’ PETA.
• Art project in Bristol, England lets everyone know exactly how screwed they will be when the oceans rise.
• The Church of England votes to ban any clergy who join the racist douchebags in the British National Party.

Science & Tech

• Man thinks he finds a sunken ship with $3 billion on Google Maps. Land is owned by someone else. Court shenanigans ensue, despite the fact that no one is really sure if a) there is actually a ship, and b) if there is anything on it. God bless America.
• Read about Charles Bonnet Syndrome, an eye disorder that leads to all kinds of weird hallucinations.
• The Isophone is probably the dumbest invention ever.

Pop Culture

• Striking a blow against ageism, a 10-year-old Sussex Spaniel wins Best-in-Show at the Westminister Kennel Club fancy dog thingy.
• This two-year-old drummer may be the reincarnation of Buddy Rich.
• Darth Vader after the dentist.
• A collection of wacky photos from the 1950 film, Destination Moon.

Daily free commuter paper “Metro” was never a quality publication. Re-purposed content, bad writing…it was not something to be read, but rather something to be avoided by any means necessary.

And now, doubly so.

No doubt, you’ve heard the news that Metro (a Torstar property) laid off all of its full-time writers, and is now being produced solely by unpaid interns. Not only is that exploitative, but totally amateur hour. An internship is supposed to be a chance to gain real-world experience from talented mentors. The implication of this arrangement is that interns don’t know what the Hell they are doing. So why does Metro think they can put out a quality publication using intern labour?

The short answer is they can’t. And by even trying, they are now the laughingstock of the journalism world. Time to pack it in, folks.

A group of senior British banking execs are worried the government is going to put the kaibosh on their beloved million-pound bonuses. So, they’ve hired a big-shot lawyer and are preparing to fight it out in court, suit-and-tie styles.

To clarify: these executives were so bad at their jobs, their banks were effectively nationalized. But they still want their sweet, sweet payouts, despite the fact they would, at this point, be composed of tax dollars.

Some might call this greed. Others may go so far as to suggest this is a kind of mental illness. But I prefer to take the long view. This kind of blind entitlement is not only a good thing, it’s the spiritual genius of mankind. And it will save us all, somehow.

Think of how much better everything would be if this kind of thinking played a bigger role at key points in human history:

• September, 480 BC: Despite the complete destrution of his fleet by the Greeks at the Battle of Salamis, Xerxes declares himself the victor and ruler of Greece. The rulers of Athens and Sparta are too confused to resist. Democracy perishes from the Earth, which everyone agrees if probably for the best.
• Agincourt, 1415 AD: After the pride of French nobility is wiped from the field by a bunch of English peasants with bows and arrows, King Charles VI hires the noted lawyer Jean D’Abattoir and sues King Henry V for punitive damages. Henry has no answer to this challenge, and is buried in paperwork. French becomes the lingua franca of the planet, and the Industrial Revolution disappears into a cloud of ennui.
• Rome, 1512 AD: Instead of painting a sweeping mural that revolutionizes art, Michelangelo paints the Sistine Chapel with a coat of eggshell latex paint. Demands full payment from Pope Julius II, claiming “it’s mildew resistant, fool.”
• Washington D.C., September 22, 1862: Eschewing prinicples of liberty and human dignity, Abraham Lincoln realizes slavery totally “works for him and his bank account” and issues the Emancipation Refutation. Confederate Flags for all!
• Everywhere, 1991: Ignoring their frightening lack of musical talent, Right Said Fred declare themselves Kings of All Music. Opposition is eliminated through forced listening to their follow-up single, “Don’t Talk, Just Kiss”, until their heads explode.

Pity humanity that such a world never came to be. If only Xerxes, Charles VI, Michelangelo, Lincoln and the Brother Fairbrass had demonstrated the stunning vision and bizarre logic of British Bankers, the world would be an oppressive, soulless deathmaze dominated by novelty dance music.

So fight on, British Bankers. Your spectacular sense of self-entitlement is an inspiration to us all.

Curious how the sprawling mass of pornography and T-shirt retailers we call the Internet came to be? Check out this video for a slick, high-level explanation:

Not exactly a course in computer science, but I dig the visual style of the animation. Cool beans. Via Giz.