Sorry about the lack of blogging, folks. My host’s servers have been a touch sick all day. I blame swine flu.

But please, let me make it up to you.

Come to the Bad Dog Theatre @ 8PM for Recession-ame Street, and I will do my level best to entertain you. It’s a riff on Sesame Street, set in a post-financial crisis world. There are puppets! And singing! And projected good times!

There are some awesome folks involved in this little show, too. Ashley Comeau, Devon Hyland, Chris Gibbs, Connor Thompson and Hannah Hogan will all be onstage making with the funny. And behind the scenes is director extraordinaire Carmine Lucarelli. I’m excited.

It’s a one-time deal, but if enough of you come tonight it may become a regular gig. So please, bring you friends, lovers, vague acquaintances and age-old enemies. Hope to see you there.

Previews of the design for the forthcoming Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series have hit the web. And they look pretty good:

I’m not sure what I think about the peekaboo elevator picture box thing. Also, this will fit on no known DVD storage shelf, requiring it to be displayed prominently on your coffee table to the universal mockery of your friends and romantic partners. But I will still buy it, even though I already own the complete series in non-boxset form. I’m a gigantic nerd, and that’s just how I roll.

By the by, anybody want to buy a gently used set of BSG DVDs? They come in the several boxes, which is better than one box from a value standpoint. Right?

A new study by a group of (I can only assume) balding researchers suggests that individuals who experience hair loss can get a little fragile.  Behold:

Many of those with hair loss reported no emotional problems, but a “significant minority” were found to be at risk of serious psychosocial consequences – including depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem and identity change, according to the report’s author, health psychologist Dr Nigel Hunt.

So, you’d all better be extra nice to me, lest I go nuts, change my name to Nyarlathotep and join a Norwegian Black Metal band. Here’s an artist’s conception:

You’ve been warned. And just so you know, I construe “emotional support” to mean “expensive gifts, lavish vacations, and epic poems composed in my honour”. Get crackin’, kids! The clock is running.

Here is the timid West, cloning is a source of continuous ethical angst. Mention the word at a party, and watch everyone dissolve into bouts of anxious hang-wringing, sweating and spectacular vacillation.

And then there’s South Korea. That country is like the Wild West of genetics. No task is too complex or morally ambiguous for these yeoman of cloning science. Just take this headline:  SOUTH KOREAN EXPERTS CLAIM TO HAVE CLONED GLOWING DOGS. Cloning a dog? Great. Cloning four? Even better. Screwing with their genetic code so they glow in the dark? Hells yeah!

While we’re busy furrowing our brows, South Korea is having the kind of wicked genetic fun that can only be had when you throw all scientific caution to the wind and get down to some serious god-playing. Here’s what happens when you ask an American about cloning:

You: “Are you cloning something right now?”

Stern-faced Scientist: “While the technology for such an activity certainly exists, it is important to carefully consider the various legal, moral, religious and political implications before proceeding down such a path.”

Compare this to a conversation with a South Korean scientist:

You: “Are you cloning something right now?”

Scientist wearing a party hat with a Tom Collins in his left hand: “Damn right! We’re working on a way to clone a horse. Except instead of a regular horse head, we’re trying to give it Ted Nugent’s entire upper body.

Other Scientist wearing a pink bodysuit, playing keyboards: It can run the Kentucky Derby AND totally shred the solo in “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang”. Wicked accurate with a bow and arrow, too.”

A third scientist, nude: We’re also close to creating a donkey with a hollowbody Gibson head, so the Ted Nugenorse can play on extended trail rides. We call it a Guitonkey.

You: Sweet!

[High fives are exchanged]

I know which one I prefer.

I’ve bashed Michael Bay’s Transformers movies on this blog a few times, mostly because he has so far failed to recapture my deep, unabashed love for the original animated cartoon. It’s a high bar, I’ll admit.

But he might be getting closer. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen screenwriter Roberto Orci confirmed that Frank Welker, voice of Soundwave in the animated series, will be reprising his role in the new film. For the unitiated, Soundwave was Megatron’s right-hand man and everyone’s favourite I-have-super-sensitive-hearing-and-will-sell-you-out-Megatron-if-I-overhear-your-mutinous-plot-so-don’t-even-think-about-it-Starscream-Oops!-You-did-it-anyway robot. He also embodied one of the more perplexing paradoxes of the Transformers universe. Namely, he was two-storey tall robot who somehow transformed into a boombox you could carry on your shoulder. Troubling.

Nevertheless, it’s nice to see the original Soundwave back for another kick at the can. Poor guy has fallen on hard times recently:

You’re a winner! And, there’s a second episode!

In his important and highly practical book, The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks describes the crossbow as the ultimate long-range zombie killing weapon. And this is the ultimate crossbow:

Yes, with the PSE Tac-15 in hand, I would actually welcome the zombie apocalypse. Oh, and just in case you’re interested, Brooks’ new book, The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks, drops on October 6th.

Via BB Gadgets.

I moved house this weekend, and my new keys came on a fancy keychain made out of some sort of high-density nylon. No doubt designed for the aspiring urban woodsman, it also featured a tiny compass.

And it got me thinking: why in the Hell do product designers put tiny compasses on things that don’t need tiny compasses? Actually, scratch that. I know exactly why they do this. Some people, mostly men, possibly including myself, are really in love with things that are “rugged” or “technical”. I don’t get particularly enthused about candle sconces, but cover those suckers in impact-resistant rubber and I will take every one you’ve got. Any idiot can light a candle. But can they do it outside, in the rain, while riding a full-suspension mountain bike? No sir.

But there are limits. I may not actually need impact-resistant grippy candle sconces, but they’d damn well work as advertised. The big problem with tiny compasses embedded in everyday objects is that they’re totally useless. Real compasses are designed to work with maps, and for use by people who understand orienteering.* The only thing a compass in a watch band is going to do is tell you vaguely where North may be, or possible the location of the nearest large magnet or set of high-tension wires. They will not help you get around. They will not attract members of the opposite sex. Tiny embedded compasses must therefore be considered a waster of time and plastic.

So yeah. Take the compasses out of the keychains and into the hands of the backcountry hikers where they belong.

Also, it’s Monday, aka “The Day Where Inconsequential Stuff Really Bugs Me”.

* Oddly enough, I acquired this skill in Grade 10 gym. When given the choice between Lacrosse and Orienteering, I opted for the latter because it meant I didn’t have to change into dorky gym shorts and/or be hacked at by my over-testosteroned classmates.