I moved house this weekend, and my new keys came on a fancy keychain made out of some sort of high-density nylon. No doubt designed for the aspiring urban woodsman, it also featured a tiny compass.
And it got me thinking: why in the Hell do product designers put tiny compasses on things that don’t need tiny compasses? Actually, scratch that. I know exactly why they do this. Some people, mostly men, possibly including myself, are really in love with things that are “rugged” or “technical”. I don’t get particularly enthused about candle sconces, but cover those suckers in impact-resistant rubber and I will take every one you’ve got. Any idiot can light a candle. But can they do it outside, in the rain, while riding a full-suspension mountain bike? No sir.
But there are limits. I may not actually need impact-resistant grippy candle sconces, but they’d damn well work as advertised. The big problem with tiny compasses embedded in everyday objects is that they’re totally useless. Real compasses are designed to work with maps, and for use by people who understand orienteering.* The only thing a compass in a watch band is going to do is tell you vaguely where North may be, or possible the location of the nearest large magnet or set of high-tension wires. They will not help you get around. They will not attract members of the opposite sex. Tiny embedded compasses must therefore be considered a waster of time and plastic.
So yeah. Take the compasses out of the keychains and into the hands of the backcountry hikers where they belong.
Also, it’s Monday, aka “The Day Where Inconsequential Stuff Really Bugs Me”.
* Oddly enough, I acquired this skill in Grade 10 gym. When given the choice between Lacrosse and Orienteering, I opted for the latter because it meant I didn’t have to change into dorky gym shorts and/or be hacked at by my over-testosteroned classmates.
Back in the late 80s I had a Swatch watch and bought a little compass that fit onto the wristband. I don’t think I did anything with it other than occasionally tap it to see the needle spin around.
I have an extra key clain my wife picked up in Florida from the Glock booth at a trade show that you are more than welcome to have.
It is a reproduction of a Glock pistol in key chain size. It sceams “rugged”, “technical” and “armed.” Haven’t used it myself, because it also seems a bit redneckish (if that is a word).
However, in the big city it might also be kitchy in addition to the other possible characteristics.
Hope your move went well.
I had a compass on my keyring for a couple days. I found it to be excellent if I wanted to know where the nearest keyring was.