“But if you’ve moved to Toronto, and plan on staying here for a long time, at some point you should probably switch your allegiance. Sure, keep a little soft spot for ol’ Beantown. But you’re a Torontonian now, and you should damn well act like one.”

to do this would be just as fickle and disloyal as to pick a winning team over your home town team. NOT COOL.

root for your home team. if you don’t have a home team, root for a team from nearby or at least from your state. if your state doesn’t have a team, root for a team from your region or from your parents’ home.

picking the winningest team is like cheating on tests, cheating on video games, and lying to your girlfriend/boyfriend to get them to love you. IT’S NOT REAL.

thank you for understanding this, graeme.

I am a Leafs fan, but have yet to drive to Ottawa to see a game. I do take issue with the third re-jigged point: the “Born in Ottawa, but I cheer for Toronto because they win and stuff” is destined for a life of disappointment, since the Leafs demonstrably do not “win and stuff”. I’d be surprised to find a fair-weather fan like this in Ottawa; you’d think a winning team would be more successful at luring away home town fans.

You see, these troglodytes that you speak of, they are often seen in Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Ottawa, and Montreal wearing blue and white jerseys.

Watch what happens when I move the words around from your description of fans:

# The “Couldn’t get tickets at Air Canada Centre, so drove up from Toronto to see them play in Ottawa” fan. I actually don’t have a problem with these folks, since they embody the kind of home-team loyalty that I respect. Nevertheless, they should bear in mind that they are in my arena, and should limit their cheering to demure applause. They should also accept my heckling with a good-natured and resigned silence.

# The “Born and raised in Toronto, but I now live in Ottawa” fan. Again, not a huge problem with these guys. But if you’ve moved to Ottawa, and plan on staying here for a long time, at some point you should probably switch your allegiance. Sure, keep a little soft spot for ol’ Hogtown. But you’re a Ottawan now, and you should damn well act like one.

# The “Born in Ottawa, but I cheer for Toronto because they, you know, win and stuff” fan.

I really agree with everything that you write here and I encourage you to go to Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Ottawa, or Montreal and watch a Leafs game. Your Boston fans will seem quite civilized in contrast to the away Leafs fans.

You may have a point, but consider this: the CFL sucks.

Also, this sounds suspiciously like the complaint of someone who has lost one too many times at Madden 2003.

“But as I sat there, watching a troglodyte in a red and blue jersey celebrate…” Troglodyte??? Wicked.

“To use a wildly innappropriate historical analogy,” Please do this more often.

“But to once again pillage the past for a convenient rhetorical device, a great President once said “we do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” Please use more presidential quotes to prove unrelated points…because in this case, cheering for a Toronto team is an equally heroic task to putting a man on the moon. (not sarcasm).

“As Buddha once said,” Please continue to misquote religious icons.

As always, thanks for writing!