The Iraqi city of Basra is currently experiencing a badger plague. Add that to the list of reasons why it generally sucks to live in Basra. Locals believe the badgers, who have allegedly attacked at least one person, were released by the British Military. Why the UK would do this is unclear, although motive or logic is never a strong component of a conspiracy theory.
For their part, the UK stridently denies the claims. Said Major Mike Shearer:
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said anything about man-eating badgers? Is it possible the British Army is now using weaponized vegetarian badgers to harass insurgents? The implications are chilling.
Anyways, local experts have identified the creatures as 'Al-Girta', or a honey badger. According to Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, the creatures have been in Iraq for decades. Said Abdul-Mahdi:
"These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."
Indeed. But I'd sure me miffed that in addition to airstrikes and car bombs, I now had to watch out for a 30lb carnivore trying to eat my face. Truly, a land of woe.
I just hope they don't notice all the beavers I released in Basra's lumber district.