Giant lion-eating chimps found in Congo

Everyone likes chimps. They're cute, they make funny and inappropriate faces, and remain largely indifferent when people put clothes on them. But I could never truly respect the common chimpanzee, because I always thought that I could beat one up in a fair fight. Until now.

Scientists have discovered a community of super-sized, hardcore chimps that eat big cats. These 'Bili' chimps apparently have a 'smash' culture, where they solve everyday food and survival problems by smashing them. Shells, nuts, turtles, termite mounds...it's clobbering time.

Said investigator Cleve Hicks:

"I don't like to paint them as being more aggressive, but maybe they prey on some of these predators and the predators kind of leave them alone."

Cool. I like a monkey that dares other animals to attack, then beats the crap out of them.

The Bili Chimps are currently threatened by the ongoing civil war in the area, although if they ever learn how to use guns, we're all screwed.

Reports that WWE is courting the chimps remain unconfirmed.