Ah, science. Humanity's most attractive offspring. Your pantheon of horrors never ceases to amaze. Exciting news today- scientists sent a bunch of salmonella germs into space to see how they change. Turns out, they get a whole lot more deadly. Mice given the space bugs were three times more likely to get sick and died faster than mice given normal earth germs.
Upon closer inspection, the trip into space caused 164 of the salmonella bacterium's genes to change. Why? Something crazy called 'fluid sheer'. Apparently zero gravity makes salmonella DNA go nuts.
Next up for modern science: send Britney Spears into orbit and see if she comes back any crazier. Or more annoying. If that's even possible.