World's oldest animal killed by scientists attempting to figure out how old it is

I like science. Science does groovy things like cure diseases, put people on the moon, and make twinkies last for a million years. But sometimes you have to wonder about the scientists. The zoological world is all abuzz with the discovery of the oldest animal ever recorded. It is a clam, an Arctica islandica to be precise, and it is somewhere between 405 and 410 years old. To put that in perspective, the clam was an awkward teenager back when Shakespeare was writing Hamlet.

But sadly, Rip Van Clam is now dead. It was killed by scientists who had to saw through its shell so they could count its growth layers to figure out how old it actually was.

Said researcher Al Wanamaker:

"Its death is an unfortunate aspect of this work, but we hope to derive lots of information from it. For our work it's a bonus, but it wasn't good for this particular animal."

Well, duh. Congratulations, guys. You've managed to discover the world's oldest animal and prevent it from getting any older all in one fell swoop.

In unrelated news, I now plan on discovering the solar system's largest asteroid by blowing it up.

Just because you have an advanced science degree doesn't mean you always make the best decisions about your work! If you want to look into another area of expertise, try online universities. You can earn your Masters or Bachelors degree online in your free time so that you can pursue the career of your dreams, whether it's science or zoology.