Slow day here at Nunc Scio central. There's either nothing particularly interesting going on, or I'm too imbued with Monday malaise to be a wiseass. Actually, it's probably some nefarious combination of the two.
So, I'll tell you about my exciting weekend news. Yes, I am now a father. Not of a human child, nay: for that would be far to easy. Instead, I bought a new car. A shiny black VW Rabbit. Yes, I now drive a car named after a rodent. Check out the fancypants photo of it in action above.
I've discussed the phenomenon of male car parenthood with my more gear-headed friends in the past. I usually summed it up like so: I cannot experience the miracle of childbirth, but I can buy a new car. And really, the experience isn't so much different. Cars are expensive, just like babies. They require attention and TLC. Both are prone to noxious emissions. True, one doesn't soil itself, and the other doesn't require insurance. But I prefer to look at the big picture.
Oh, and my car came with switchblade keys. SWITCHBLADE KEYS. To my knowledge, this is not standard equipment on a baby, late-model or otherwise.
Even without weaponized keys, it was definitely time for a change. My previous car, which I have now "donated" to my sister (much as one pawns of a case of Ebola) was a '98 Ford Contour (Sport Model! Yeah, 24v V6!) with 340,000Km on it. I'm amazed it still ran, let alone never burst into flames. However, it did do fun things like make all the AC fluid magically disappear, and stall on humid days.
So, join me in welcoming my new ride. It is, as of yet, nameless. So if you have a suggestion for a new moniker, leave it in the comments.