The end of Ben


All across the land, sad and confused preteens are lamenting the news that Canadian Idol, our nation's source for mediocre musical talent, has been cancelled. Truly, our national culture will miss the hastily produced and completely unoriginal 'albums' created by the yearly winner/the large corporation that backed them.

But amidst all this gloom, there is a silver lining. With the demise of CI, perhaps we can finally be free of the cruel reign of terror that has gripped Canada for these past five years. Perhaps we have finally reached the End of Ben Mulroney.

By 'end', I don't mean death. Although he is exceptionally irritating, I can't think of any specific reason why Ben Mulroney should die. Rather, I hope this is the end of Ben Mulroney's career as a TV host. Because let's be honest: he is terrible at it. He has the charisma and delivery of a sheet of plywood, the lumbering grace of a aardvark, and the interviewing skills of a fifth-grader. Also, he somehow manages to appear both plastic and doughy at the same time, his face coated with some futuristic polymer that manages to attract light and project it back at any hapless observer with the intensity of a space shuttle launch.

Sure, Ben will still have his gig as the 'host' of CTV's anemic eTalk Daily. But who actually watches that show, anyway? No, Ben's bread-and-butter was his role as leader of the screaming adolescent hordes who tuned in to see a new lowest common pop-music denominator created before their moist and trusting eyes. Without that, Ben's cachet will no doubt decline. He may, like his siblings, have to get a real job. Or if, as I've long suspected, he is some sort of energy being that subsist solely on the attention of crowds, he may wink out of existence entirely.

So, farewell Ben. We hardly knew ye. But by god, we sure knew you were annoying.