1986's awesome The Transformers: The Movie is one of my top-ten favourite films. There are so many reasons to love it. That scene where Optimus Prime is in truck mode, blasts into the air, transforms, does a kickass twisting flip, and then shoots a bunch of Decepticons in the face; Orson Welles voicing a planet-sized devourer of worlds in a vaguely tragic case of art-imitating-life; not one, but two definite articles in the title; and one of the greatest movie songs of all time. I am, of course, speaking of Stan Bush's immortal classic, "The Touch". I mean, how can you argue with charmingly incoherent lyrics like:
You got the touch You got the power
After all is said and done You've never walked, you've never run, You're a winner
Sure, the rational among you might be asking, "If you neither walk nor run, how do you get around?" But you're missing the point. Since you've got "the touch", mere questions of mobility are entirely inconsequential. You're a winner!
To my six-year-old self, this song was a close to a moral code as I could imagine. If Optimus Prime was my Christ figure, then "The Touch" was the song Christ listened to before blasting a bunch of Roman soldiers with a particle cannon.
So, I'm a little uneasy about the news that Stan has recorded a "killer new version" of the song for inclusion in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The live action Transformers movie was a severe disappointment, and I can't shake the feeling that everything Michael Bay touches turns to lead. I mean, "The Touch" is timeless, but can it stand up to the vagaries of Bayification?
My six-year-old self says yes. In honour of that wide-eyed youngster, sprinting away from schoolyard bullies while singing "The Touch" under his breath, here is Mr. Bush's masterwork in its full glory: