Here are two things you may believe to be true:
- Vincent Van Gogh was a brilliant painter who was so tortured by depression that he cut off his own ear. This makes him a somewhat romantic figure, and inspired at least one song by a musician whose entire career is predicated on eulogizing tragic celebrities. I don't particularly like this song, but I still somehow know all the words.
- The life of the artist is based on quiet solitude, stillness, and a deep-brooding angst. It is notably free of sword-fighting or other such martial pursuits.
Prepare to have your illusions shattered, friends. Turns out, both of these truths are in fact FILTHY LIES.
- According to a new book, Van Gogh's ear was actually cut off by his friend and fellow painter Paul Gauguin. With a sword. The self-harm story was fabricated afterwards to protect Gauguin's reputation as a man who does not cut off people's ears with swords.
- The life of an artists is actually filled with swashbuckling action. All the time. Picasso totally carried an Uzi everywhere he went.
Consider yourselves illuminated. Also, people who pronounce Van Goghas "Van Goff" are pretentious idiots. Just sayin'.