Women are getting hotter says Science, teen boys

BILLY JOEL AND CHRISTIE BRINKLEY Oh science. You teach us so much.

New research out of the University of Helsinki indicates that the sexy, sexy forces of evolution are making women more attractive. Apparently beautiful women have more children than their less attractive counterparts. More to the point, these women have significantly more daughters, amplifying hotness through the generations. Of course, the downside is that men are immune to this process, and remain the ugly, grunting, hairy buffoons we always were.

Now, I'm a bit suspicious of this study, since "attractiveness" is largely subjective. The conclusion is probably better stated as "Evolution is producing more women that Finnish scientists find attractive." Still, if one puzzles though the implications, the future will be an interesting place. Herds of supermodels will fight viciously over middling-to-ugly men; I can only hope my marginally handsome grandsons will be alive to enjoy it.

But it gets worse. As the generations pass, the human race will split in twain, with hauntingly beautiful women inhabiting an idyllic surface world, with troll like men toiling in underground salt mines. H.G. Wells was right!

And that's all we are, men. Just three or four thousand generations from Morlockification.

Photo: Billy Joel, leading the genetic charge of strange looking men with inexplicably attractive women.