I don't really like vampires. Of course, in the imaginary worlds they inhabit, no one really likes vampires, unless you're also a vampire or Anna Paquin. I'm talking more about the idea of vampires as fictional characters or plot devices. Zombies are my thing - they're way scarier, and I find the metaphor more compelling*. The creepy sexuality of vampyr films makes me vaguely uncomfortable. I also dislike how a once-frightening movie monster has morphed into either a clumsy metaphor for racial intolerance in the Deep South or a stand-in for the tortured romantic yearnings of moony adolescents. More to the point, Twilight is a crime against the written word, the moving picture, and the dignity of humanity, in that order. This franchise may well have ruined the vampire genre forever. And then I saw the trailer for Suck:
Yes, it will take the combined weight of Dave Foley, Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, and Henry Rollins (that wig really echoes his Black Flag era Jim Morrison-esque hairstyle) to pull me back to the vampire oeuvre. But just barely. And Moby doesn't help at all.
It is a bit strange that it's billed as a "Rock Musical Comedy", and yet no one appears to actually sing in the trailer. But, you know, Henry Rollins. If I suffered through Wrong Turn 2 for Hank, I'll put up with this**.
*I have a convoluted theory - cribbed from a variety of sources - that classic movie monsters are metaphors for aspects of humanity we find frightening. Vampires represent our fear of taboo sexuality. Werewolves are all about the terror of our animal selves. Zombies represent the terror of losing the self, of being subsumed into a faceless mass. In this sense, the walking dead are more of a political metaphor than the other two. And yes, thinking about these things is how I spend my time.
**I'm being a bit unfair to WT2 here. While not great, it was one of 2007's better slasher/gore horror movies, especially considering it was direct-to-video. Also, soundtrack by BSG's Bear McCreary! There's a fun fact.